Iori's Hotel
by NoLogique
Summary: Who knew running a crummy hotel would be so tough? Mai's a pretty lousy bartender, there's zombies showing up on his doorstep and now Terry's out for his blood? What the heck is going on? COMPLETED.
1. Chapter 1

"So," the blonde said, chewing on a toothpick. "D'you do anything 'sides run this lousy hotel?"

"I play in a band sometimes," Iori Yagami replied, leaning on the crumbling counter. "Most of the time spirits from ancient clans demand that I team up with my rival to stop imminent threats to humanity."

The blonde was slowing down. This was disappointing but Iori paid little attention to it. She had spent the past hour trying to seduce him in order to get him to lower the room prices. This wasn't nearly as entertaining for Iori as it should've been - she was a shitty flirter, the kind that grew up thinking anyone with a y chromosome were easy marks, the kind who hung out with jerks who confirmed this.

Finally she gave up and flopped off towards the bar, where Mai worked, serving inexpensive drinks. Iori's hotel catered to a demography that didn't allow classy mixes, and the cheapest drink ran for two bucks. The word Mai used to describe it was a dive.

"Why won't you kiss me?" Andy Bogard said to her, leaning forwards, a little drunk.

"Because I'm tired of this," Mai said, cleaning a glass. "I spent the last ten years of my life obsessed with you, Andy, and there was always this will-we-or-won't-we bullshit going on. Then you leave; then I date Kyo; then you come back. I'm not doing anything with you or for you, Andy, until you promise me something concrete."

If it were possible, Andy Bogard was even prettier a man when he was drunk. He was the only one who still looked angelic even when he was emptying his lunch over the bar.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Iori asked, tossing Mai a dish rag as he walked towards them. 

"He's petitioning me for a relationship," Mai said, unhappily, holding Andy's head up and catching his second volley in the rag. "He can't really hold his alcohol, Yagumi, so don't hold it against him."

"Too late," Iori said. "Fix me a whiskey and coke, will you?"

"Fix it yourself," Mai snapped. "I'm cleaning up after Andy. Since when do you drink before nine, anyways?"

"On nights like this," Iori said, pouring himself the drink. "Nights when I get phone calls that inform me that Terry Bogard is coming by to attempt to kick my ass."

Mai dropped the rag and Andy's head onto the bar. "No way. Terry's way too- My God, Iori, you've met him! He's the archetypal hero! What beef does he have with you? Let's see - his father's dead, so you couldn't have killed him; you couldn't have killed his brothers - I would've heard about that - and there's no way you could've killed Mary... I can't think of what epic revenge reason he'd have for wanting to kick my ass."

"I don't think you understand," Iori said. "Times are tough all around. He's gotten a job as a card shark's mercenary. I stepped on some toes financing this dump and he's being paid to come collect in blood. Absolutely hilarious."

"Why would Terry be involved in something like that?"

"He needs the money, I guess. I think Andy's drowning in his vomit."

"Shit!" Mai lifted Andy's head up, and dabbed at his cheeks with the rag.

Lightning struck outside briefly for evidence, and the front doors burst open from the stormy wind outside, rattling against the crumbling walls. The lightning illuminated, briefly, a bedraggled figure in a traditional samurai kimono, who staggered in.

"I've only got a few vacancies left," Iori said, wandering back towards the front desk. "but they're all single rooms, if that's... okay..."

He trailed off, staring at the figure.

"Jesus," he said. "Saisyu Kusanagi? They've resurrected you again? How many times can you be resurrected?"

"I..." Kusanagi said, in his customary deep zombie voice. "need... work..."

"So does everyone," Iori replied. "Shut the damn door, will you?"

Kusanagi turned slowly and his ear fell off. Mai screamed. 

Iori watched the man shut the door silently, then said, "Botched this one, did they?"

"Meh," Kusanagi said, stumbling towards the bar. "Evil... geniuses... can't... leave... well... enough... alone."

"I'll be glad when your tongue falls out and we can be spared this quick-witted banter," Iori replied. "Listen, you've tried to kill me once, so I'm not going to be particularly easy on you. You apply for a job the same way as anyone else - you hand in a resume."

"Right... got a pen?"

"Yeah, hold on a sec. Here. Here's a pad of paper. Knock yourself out."

As Kusanagi stumbled away, Mai stamped up to Iori and snapped, "Are you insane? You're considering that psychopath?"

"Calm down," Iori said, smiling that weird serial killer smile of his. "Undead employees are the best employees. Because they're not legally people, I don't have to pay them minimum wages. Plus, I might get a ton of work out of his before he falls apart for good."

"What if Kyo finds out?"

"Then our problem of his presence'll be taken care of! It'll all work out for the best! Trust me."

He grinned at her.

Mai frowned. "I hope you know what you're doing."

Iori smiled and replied, "Don't I always?" 


	2. Chapter 2 Terry's Arrival

Iori lay back on the front desk so that he could stare at his crumbling ceilings and imagine the tenants above, hiding out from their real lives, perhaps, or sleeping with unscrupulous lovers.

"The queen of fairies caught me when from my horse I fell," he muttered.

"What?" Mai asked, looking over from the bar.

"Nothing," Iori said, sitting up and accidentally swallowing his gum. "Line from obscure british folk. Nothing to worry about."

He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and lit it.

Mai sighed. "That's your fourth cigarette in, like, an hour, Iori," she said. "You're going to be blackened and twisted by the time the King of Fighters tournament comes around again."

He pulled it out, stared at it, then stamped it out. "Yeesh," he said. "I didn't even notice I had lit it."

"Yagami, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were nervous."

"Nonsense," Iori said. "No reason to be nervous. Kusanagi! If you want this janitor job, you'll have to mop better than that!"

Saisyu Kusanagi muttered under his breath, and increased his pace with the mop, slopping filthy suds over the dirty floor.

"The reason I'm nervous," Iori said, addressing Mai. "is because of that storm outside. That's it, of course. I always get nervous when it's stormy out. There, problem solved."

Mai lifted a single eyebrow. "Don't tell me you're actually afraid of Terry."

Though Iori hated to admit it, he wasn't so much fearing Terry, but rather he was anxious about the conflict ahead. Iori hated unnecessary violence. For him, punching through a man's jaw was slated only for tournaments and when he had to open up a can of "self defence" on miscreants.

Mai noticed that the sleeping form of Andy had rolled onto his back. She sighed and rolled him onto his side and leaned on him, so he couldn't roll back. "You know what I think your problem is?"

Iori unconsciously pulled from a pocket another cigarette. He caught himself at it and threw the cigarette across the room. "No," he said. "But I'm dying to find out."

"When was the last time you dated?"

"You can't possibly attribute my lack of behaviour to a lack of love interests, Mai."

"Not just now. You've been tenser than usual for the past week now, Iori. We've been fighting for ten years plus, pal - you're usually so loose and stupid. And you've had this hotel for a few months now, so it's not because of an onslaught of responsibility doing this. When was the last time you dated?"

Iori thought for a moment. "Hm... well, there was Bobby, the bitch from hell. Oh, yeah, it was Peter, the "bi"-sexual jackass from Toronto. I don't think I ever told you about him. Apparently, according to him, bisexuality means you can cheat on your current paramour."

"Gasp, if only I'd known."

"Yeah. First time I ever lost my temper, really. It was all very out of character for me, but, you know."

"Did..." Andy muttered, surprising them all. "Did you kick his ass?"

"No," Iori said, sticking a piece of gum in his mouth. "Burned down his house, though. Probably overreacted a little."

"And how long ago was this?" Mai asked, leaning painfully hard on Andy, who grunted.

"That would be a month ago."

"Well a month-long dry spell after consistent sex can sometimes give someone the jitters, Yagami."

"Wow, Shiramui-chan, I never knew you were such an expert when it came to relationships! Why, I could've sworn that your last relationship just fell apart and the one before that was a ten year long bout of lies and disillusionment!"

"Hey," Andy said. "I told her I'd try to be better."

"Shut up, Andy," Mai snapped.

"Wow, Mai," Iori continued, wildly. "Now that we know the cure, I'm sure that you'd be totally willing to offer your lithe body for the purpose of curing me. Shall we adjourn to the bedroom?"

"Flirt," Mai said. "But I'm afraid that even if you're flirtacious, you're still a flirtacious fag, so it won't work."

"One of the reasons I'm still friends with him," a voice said.

King appeared beside Iori, startling him by kissing him on the cheek. "Here, honey, I brought you this."

She deposited a full bottle of rye in his hands.

"Darling!" he cried. "How'd you know. Moreover, how'd you sneak in here without either of us noticing?"

"I noticed," Andy muttered.

"Shut up, Andy," Mai said. "To what do we owe the visit, King? I thought this was your and Ryo's night out."

"It was," King said. "But before we go on, is the guy with the mop who I think he is?"

"Back from the dead again, I'm afraid," Iori said.

"How awful. All right, lemme explain - now, Mai, since you're an unemancipated pawn on the patriarchal regime and a stereotypical woman, you're going to freak out at this news."

"I can't wait," Mai said.

"Ryo proposed to me tonight."

"No way!" Mai cried, stabbing her elbows hard into Andy's side in her surprise. He jerked with pain.

"On his knees."

"No way!"

Andy cried out again.

"With a ring with a rock the size of my fist."

"No WAY!"

Andy drunkenly jerked away this time, so that Mai only grazed him. He toppled off the bar with a crash.

"Stupid idiot," King said, staring wistfully into the distance. "I think I might've hurt him by refusing, but it was his own damn fault. He should know me well enough by now that I wouldn't have said yes."

"What? Why not?"

"Marriage, Mai? If I wanted to enter into such a partiarchal slave-institution as that, I'd have started wearing dresses and averting my eyes."

"So what you're trying to tell us," Iori said. "Is that you're crazy as syphilus."

"Hah," King said. "Mai, want to pour us a drink? See, the second reason is that I heard that Terry is heading this way to kick your ass, Iori, and I just have to see that."

"New travels fast, it seems," Iori replied, sitting down. "Ah, maybe I can talk him out of it. If not, his loss."

"Doubtful," King said, with a sly look in her eye.

"Argh!" Iori said, theatrically, clutching his chest. "My self-esteem! King, you've struck it in the heart. A very palpable hit!"

"King," Mai said. "What's this I hear about you working at a furniture store? I thought you owned a bar."

"I do," King replied. "But times are tough all around. Everyone needs a day job. Just like you two."

"Don't remind me," Iori said. "I'm afraid one day we'll all be living in trailers, and the highlight of our evenings is inviting Eiji and the guys over for beers in the backyard. Still, no one seems to be hiring pugilists anymore."

The door burst open and three junkies stumbled in, obviously only seconds after dropping.

Iori met them at the front desk and stared at them, wondering why they couldn't wait until they were in their rooms to do their thing. It took him six minutes to get the money from them and the room keys to them. He ordered Kusanagi to see them up.

"What... am I?" Kusanagi snapped. "Your... busboy?"

"Don't you take lip," Iori said. "How many people in this city'll hire zombies, huh? There ain't that many necromancers around anymore, pal. Thulsa Doom's not going to waltz in and cry 'That one!'. Get them up to their rooms."

Grumbling, Kusanagi complied.

As Iori turned back to the front desk, he froze. Terry Bogard had strode through the front door and was walking up to him. Iori stared at the man's gigantic biceps and wondered why he himself didn't work out that much.

"Iori Yagami?" Terry said. "I'm afraid, at the behest of Boss Takashi, whom you borrowed money and did not repay-"

"Jesus, Terry," Iori said. "Spare me the jargon. We've known each other for longer than I knew my parents, for Christ's sake. You're Terry, I'm Iori, and you're here to attempt to beat me up."

Terry nodded solemnly and said, "Nothing personal, Yagami, honest. This is just my day job."

Iori nodded. "At least it lets you fight, huh?"

Together, they walked out towards the center of the crumbling lobby and faced each other. King and Mai stared intently, and the air thickened as only anticipation can. Iori and Terry locked eyes, staring into each other, shaking out loose limbs and legs.

Kusanagi returned from his errand and saw them. He licked his lips with a tattered tongue and made a silent bet in his mind.

Lightning struck outside and the power went out. The room didn't so much plunge into darkness (the electrical system wasn't so dramatic as that), it kind've just lazily dissolved.

Iori saw his chance and went for Terry's face, leaping forwards in the darkness. Terry moved, and his fist connected with Iori's throat. The light came on for a few seconds, which gave Mai and King a dazzling view of Iori flying back, coughing and choking. The power fizzled out again and Terry moved forwards after Iori.

Iori landed his feet, and musted the strength to ignore the impression that his throat had just imploded. He skidded forwards, sending his strongest move onto Terry, energy powering through his arm.

Terry's fist got his face this time, and the light came on at the right time again, and Mai and King saw a stream of blood flying from Iori's face as he launched backwards.

The power went off again, but Terry heard where Iori landed. Iori was too distracted by the feeling that an explosion had gone off in his nose to hear Terry skitter up. Terry kicked him in the side, hard, and Iori cried out, spitting out blood and curling up.

The lights came on, for good this time, and Mai and King rushed forwards to restrain Terry as he kicked Iori in the chest again.

"Jesus, Terry!" Mai snapped, pulling him back. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Iori, for the love of God!" King said, concerned. "Man alive, are you all right?"

Iori mumbled something that might've sounded like a yes.

Terry shook the two of them off, saying "All right, all right! Off, ladies!"

He stood over Iori and pulled out a card. He read it mechanically aloud : "On behalf of Boss Takashi and Armistice Mercenary Ltd., you have now been roughed up considerably due to a past transgression. In this case (please write legibly the transgression) : Refusal to pay back loans and the systematic assault and destruction of several of my thugs sent to collect."

He put the card away and knelt down beside Iori. He took the fallen man's hand. At first the girls thought he was going to say something apologetic, or at the very least help Iori up, but before they knew it, Terry had broken one of Iori's fingers.

When a finger is broken, it goes into immediate shock. This does not mean that people don't notice it. Most people, in fact, scream as hard as they can. Iori, after decades of combat training, knew how to deal with pain magnificently. He, as Mai would describe it later, 'freaked' and punched Terry as hard as he could, which was considerable.

The next few seconds consisted of the two bleeding men crawling away from each other.

"Jesus Christ, Terry!" Iori screamed. "My Goddamn finger!"

"Just doing my job, you jerk!" Terry snapped. "Damn it! I think you broke my nose! What, you think I enjoyed beating you up like that! There has to be visible wounds or I lose my job!"

"Shut the hell up, Terry!" Iori said.

"You're such an asshole, Terry," Mai said, and walked behind the bar.

Kusanagi walked slowly over to Iori and stared down at him. "I won my bet," he said, and tried to muster enough spit to spit on him. He couldn't, but Iori recognized the action, and ripped off both of the zombie's arms.

Kusanagi stumbled back, a torso and head on legs, and stared at Iori with wide eyes.

Iori stared at the stumbling zombie and burst out into laughter.

He was laughing even as King was setting his finger.


	3. Chapter 3 A Plan Is Formed

"So let me get this straight," Iori said, gazing unhappily at his bandaged finger, and dabbing at his bleeding nose. "I borrow money from Yakuza Boss Takashi and I never pay him back. He sents six or seven thugs to collect - in blood, just like you - and I kick the shit out of them and send them back in pieces. Then he hires you as a mercenary to do their job."

"Got it," Terry replied, seated at the bar, swiveling around the stool in the vain hope of distracting him from the pain in his bandaged nose. 

Once the shock had worn off, Terry had jerked violently, knocking over his drink, hissing about a nova bomb going off in his face. Mai and King had held him down, shoved a wad of cloth in his mouth and jerked his nose to the right. Everything went black for a moment for Terry, and when he came to, he found his face bandaged up and the pain just a shade under unbearable.

"Right," Iori replied. "So can I hire you to do the same to him?"

"Five hundred dollars," Terry said, swiveling around to face him. "That's the going rate. We take Visa or Mastercard."

"No need," Iori said, opening his cash register. "I've got the five right here."

Whereupon the two gunmen decided to enter the hotel, screaming for everyone to hit the ground. What a lucky hit, really. A dinky little dive out in the middle of other dives, with just a couple weirdoes watching the till, and a confirmed score of a least five hundred clams. 

A little description, to set the scene : Mickey, or Gunman No. 1, had a look that said heroin chic. Iori knew by now how to recognize them by sight - the wild eyes of the first stages of withdrawl, the scruffy gaunt frame and the long-sleeved sweater. Mickey was holding a gigantic revolver and was waving it around like a flag. Iori thought any minute the junkie's fingers would twitch and the massive cannon would go off, but it never happened.

James, or Gunman No. 2, had a more elaborate backstory : as a boy he had grown up disatisfied with his lot - his trailer was too small, or school was too hard, and everyone made fun of him and his shitty music, calling him 'white trash, white trash'. That was until he had met Mark the Teacher, the hobo/leader who had taught him that his Aryan nature made him better than other races, that salvation lay within Neo-Nazism, that white trash were not the nadir of North American culture, but its very pinnacle. James could get to like such a mentality.

The fact that there were a couple Japs in the room only heightened his sense of that feeling that everything was going to go smoothly. This take was going to be sweet.

He had a smart little Browning, which he waved about less than Mickey, but still quite passionately.

"Yeah, uh, guys," Iori said. "Just a word of warning - you're in the presence of four people who have had superhero training. Try the convenience store down the block."

"Shut the gopping hell up and hit the gopping deck," Mickey snapped. "The deck being the floor. It's a nautical expression, I think."

"Jub off, Mickey," James said, in a voice which he thought was dangerous and sinister. "Now listen up, you jubheads - if you haven't already figured this out, this is a hold-up. Anyone make any sudden moves and I kill, understand?"

"Put the glopping money in the bag!" Mickey snapped, holding out a filthy burlap sack.

"No, no, Jesus, guys," Iori said, pinching the bridge of his noise with his fingers. "See the girl over there with long black hair? See's a Ninjitsu master. That drunk pretty boy with her? Also a Ninjitsu master. She- Oh for the love of God-"

Mickey was instantly smitten with Mai, so much that he was floating up to the ceiling. Iori could almost see the cartoon hearts pulsating where his eyes should be.

James was not so tempted by the Jap bitch. "Put the glopping money in the bag!"

"Keep your poorly made-up explitives to yourself!" Iori said. "I'm not finished. The woman in the tuxedo over there is Muay Thai master. Lots of kicking involved there-"

"Thanks for the introduction, darling," King said.

"No problem. The zombie with the stapled-on arms over there wields the crimson flames of the Kusanagi clans. Though I hope he knows dried zombie skin is pretty flammable."

"Shut up, Yagami."

"The guy in the baseball cap?" Iori continued. "He's a badass street fighter. And, well, heh heh, I don't like to brag, but, I wield the blue flames of the Yagami clan and I'm pretty good at it."

"S'yeah right," Terry said.

"You shut the glop up!" Iori snapped.

"Piss off, you jubhead!" Terry replied.

James couldn't believe his ears. Were these jubhead making fun of him? Him? The Aryan Messiah Who Will Spread The Word To The World?

Well, now, for that this Jap would have to have a bullet put into his head.

It had been so long since Iori had been in a gunfight that the sheer thundering roar of the Browning came as a surprise to him. Still - it reminded him why he didn't use guns; they were just too slow. The bullet impacted on the wall behind him, and Iori's hands clamped down on Jame's wrist, and Jame's wrist made a little cracking noise and James made a little screaming noise and after that, it was all kind've downhill.

Meanwhile, Mickey was in love. And let us not forget what the object of his sudden and misguided infatuation was : the lovely Mai Shiranui - ninja and exhibitionist, clad in revealing outfits for more than just easy manuerability but also for show-stopping beauty! Long black hair, doeful eyes, muscular yet feminine legs, musuclar yet feminine waist and hips, and of course, her impossibly large (yet real, and good-looking to boot) breasts. 

Was Mai as infatuated as he was for her? Why, who could not love the dashing heroin junkie, with his scraggly beard, bloodshot eyes, needle-streaks, and gaunt skeletal frame?

Mai was actually more interested in the way James bounced when he hit the ground. He wasn't yet unconscious and he held his broken wrist, letting loose a torrent of swear words that were definitely, finally, not made up. 

"Glopping white trash," Terry muttered.

"Nothing but jubheads around here," Iori replied.

"What the HELL is a woman like you doing in a neighbourhood like this?" Mickey asked, staring at Mai. 

"Insanity, apparently," she replied. "Now, Andy, watch this - this is the perfect time to piss King off."

"Huh?" Andy asked, turning around.

"Yes," Mai replied. "I could launch into a diatribe about how a woman looking the way I do cannot go anywhere in this city without unwanted attention, lamenting on how men never leave me alone! Now already, I can feel King's possible anger rising to a boiling level - not only because this is an extremely shallow thought, and King hates shallow women, but it is also hypocrisy at its best."

"How so?"

"Andy, look at me. I have more cleavage than a claymore. I frequently show off my lovely toned posterior as a victory pose. I love attention, that's obvious, but nothing could be more frustrating for a feminist like King, than me complaining about it."

"Regardless," King replied. "What are we going to do about these two losers?"

"Take the guns away from them," Iori replied. "Let the jubheads limp out on their own."

"Don't you dare overuse that joke!" King snapped. "You'll sound like you were written by a twelve year old girl who thinks her humour is absolutely hilarious. These junkie's slang is terrible, it sounds made-up, and you're drawing attention to it."

"Word of advice, King," Iori replied. "Don't look at life like it's a narrative. Life isn't a narrative. It sweeps and twists and sometimes stands stock-still, for hours and hours on end. There isn't a rising action, there isn't a climax, there's just denouement, going on and on and on..."

"You broke my wrist!" James snapped, staring at it.

"Wait until the shock wears off," Iori replied. "Terry, shall we get on with our transaction, then? Five hundred dollars for a beaten-up Boss Takashi."

The transaction consisted of Iori filling out a card reading "On behalf of (enter name here) and Armistice Mercenary Ltd. you have now been roughed up considerably due to a past transgression. In this case (please write legibly the transgression) : ..."

Iori filled it out ("Sending a street fighter to do something other than fight a street") and handed it to Terry, as well as the five hundred, and watched him leave.

Immediately he swept to the phone and began dialing numbers.

"Who're you calling?" Mai asked, trying to ignore the junkie frantically trying to start a conversation with her.

"Eiji and Kyo," he replied.

"Why? Don't you have some bad blood with them?"

"Only a little. But they'd both leap at the chance to take Terry down a notch or two."

"What? Why?"

"Right, picture this : you're Boss Takashi, relaxing at your hangout. You're probably in your office or room having sex with your latest mistress. Got it pictured in your head : imagine the room's walls red, his fat body very pink and she very sweaty."

"Didn't really want to picture it, but there we go."

"Suddenly he hears gunshots and shouting. Outside his bodyguards and men are rushing into combat, only to get their shit ruined. Guns go off, but the bullets don't hit their mark, their Karate is turned away and their faces bashed in. Boss Takashi goes for his gun. The door bursts open. He squeezes a single round off, but then Terry has him. He beats the living shit out of him, then reads him the card. What does Boss Takashi immediately do?"

Mai smiled. "He hires him again. To beat you up again."

"Exactly," Iori said. "Ah, but this time, this time - we'll be ready for him."

"Men," King said and sat down.

Mai blinked. "I thought feminism was about trying not to be sexist."

"It is," King said. "But although I'm half feminist, I'm half misandrist."

"I see," Mai said. "Well, then, Miss Misadrist, please throw this slobbering manchild out."

King grinned. "With pleasure."

Mickey began to whimper. 


	4. Chapter 4 Eiji's Vendetta

Eiji Kisaragi did not want to go hang out with Iori. For one thing, he just didn't like the guy - whenever someone would mention the phrase ugly argument, Eiji'd think of Iori. He'd especially think of himself lying on the ground bleeding while Iori laughed and chuckled above him.

"You bring a dog to a fistfight?" Iori asked, staring at the german shepherd puppy in the crook of the ninja's arms.

"They're like human babies, asshole," Eiji muttered. "You can't leave them alone by themselves and I couldn't find a sitter."

The puppy whined slightly and wagged its tail. Mai immediately went nuts over it and was essentially out of an actual commission for the next few minutes while she fawned over it.

"Listen, jag-off," Eiji said, quietly, staring at Iori. "I'm only here because Kyo agreed to be here. And- ... is that Saisyu Kusanagi?"

"Yeah, it is," Iori said. "He's my new janitor. Okay, listen, pal - if Kyo and I (who are destined to fight a war between each other for all eternity, if you recall) can interact politely, I think you and I can make up."

"Billy doesn't think so."

"Billy's an idiot. You, though, you're an assassin-class ninja. Certainly you, with all that fancy schmancy training, can- Is that Athena Asamiya?"

Eiji looked back at the purple-haired girl having a conversation with King. "Yeah, I gave her a drive."

"What'd you do that for?"

"Because I hate your guts, if you'll recall."

Eiji slugged him in the gut and marched off to the bar, Mai following and cooing to the puppy. Iori doubled over in pain, then tried to scramble away as Athena walked briskly towards him.

"Kusanagi, take over the front desk, will you?" he said, trying to get to the elevator.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, Iori!" Athena snapped, bouncing across the lobby and grabbing his arm. "We need to talk."

"Nothing doing. I don't talk with crazy ladies."

The elevator doors opened, he slid in and stabbed the Door Close button. Too late; she slipped in with him.

"Jesus, Athena," he said, staring at her. "You'd think an ex-Psycho Soldier would know when to quit."

"Other way round - we're actually trained to not know when to quit."

"Piss off, Asamiya."

"Iori, we have to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"There's everything to talk about! I'm in love with you."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am. Ever since the last tournament-"

"When my boot impacted with your mouth."

"Impact isn't a verb."

"Grammar's the least of my worries right now, girl."

The elevator doors opened and Iori slid out, walking down the second floor, trying to escape her.

"Just kiss me, Iori," she said, following. "Kiss me once and then the magic moment will happen and you'll realize that you've loved me all along!"

"I'm not into women, Athena. You know that."

"Then why am I pregnant with your child? Huh? Why is that?"

"I'm not - I haven't even had sex with you."

"Well then have sex with me, so I can get pregnant with your child!"

"Oh come on, Athena - certainly you can think of more original ways to trap me into a relationship?"

Athena grabbed his shoulder and spun him about, staring into his eyes. "Why are you denying our love together, Iori? We could be so happy together!"

"A homosexual and a psychotic? No, don't think so. Listen, Athena, this whole I'm-in-love-with-you-thing is just a-"

She grabbed his face and stuck her tongue into his mouth.

He grabbed her face and shoved it into the wall with a bang. "Coming on just a BIT too strong there, Athena," he said.

She eyed him sexily and said, "I heard men love it when women make the first move."

"Ooh, utilizing sexist advice. That's REAL smart. Piss off, Ayamiya."

I'm going to kill Eiji, he thought. 

He managed to make it back to the elevator. He stabbed the Close Door button and kicked Athena in the stomach as she tried to get in. She flew back into the second floor and the doors closed, blocking the sight of her. 

Iori sighed and slumped against the wall. The day was just getting worse and worse. The elevator slid down the shaft and came to a stop at the first floor. It opened and Iori found himself face to face with-

"A party!" he exclaimed, walking out into the lobby.

Somewhere overhead, bouncy reggae music was playing and Mai was passing out drinks to a group of people in colourful clothes.

Iori slid by and grabbed Mai by the arm. "What the hell is going on, Mai?" he asked.

"Not my fault, Yagami, honest," she said. "Mary showed up with a ton of our and her friends."

"Iori!" Blue Mary said, pushing through the crowd, a few streamers and balloons flying past her. "Listen, I'd like to thank you for coming up with this party idea. Terry's been under a lot of stress and I think this'll be good for him."

Iori blinked. It was strange; he knew all the words she was saying individually, yet strung all together he didn't have a clue what she was talking about. "What the hell are you talking about, Mary?" he asked.

"Eiji called me up and said that you were inviting people over to your hotel to surprise Terry."

"Oh," Iori cried, a little too loudly. "Did he now? What a nice guy!"

He looked over at Eiji, who walked up holding a screwdriver. "Wow, Eiji! You're such a nice guy!"

"That I am, aren't I?" Eiji said.

He leaned in. "I'll see you in hell, Yagami," he said, quietly.

"Apparently," Iori replied. "Mai, all these people are paying for their drinks, right?"

"For about five minutes, until Mary stood up and announced that it was an open bar. There're too many people here to argue with."

"Oh! And where would Mary get such an idea?"

Mary blinked. "Eiji said-"

"Yes, yes," Iori said. "Eiji said. Man, you ninjas don't let go of grudges, do you?"

"No, not really," Eiji replied.

Someone turned the music up really loud, and Iori could feel himself being pushed back into the party by the seething crowd. He felt kind've faint, especially when Athena came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Shit," he said.

"What, lover?" Athena asked.

"King, throw Asamiya out please," Iori said. 

The blond women wrenched Athena off him and dragged her towards the door.

Iori went off to take advantage of his open bar.

"You know," Mai said, leaning on the bar, and handing him a whiskey and coke. "No one ever talks about how big Mary's breasts are. They're pretty gigantic."

"So's a sperm whale, but the two blues swimming around it really do dwarf them."

"That's true," she said. "Mine really are more fabulous, aren't they? Even if she does wear a bra more often."

"Yours are scientifically impossible, but very lovely," Iori agreed. "Who else has large breasts...?"

"Hm..."

"Mature could've given you and Mary a run for your money..."

"Who?"

"No one. Someone I beat up and left for dead."

"Quite a bit of those, aren't they? In fact, I think good advice is not to call up someone you beat up and left for dead and invite him over to your hotel."

"Who, Eiji? I distinctly remember patching up our differences one time. I bought him a drink."

"Ooh, a drink."

"Get me another one, please."

"What's the plan, boss?"

"Well... I'm going to get real drunk and then I'll think of one."

"Sounds good." 


	5. Chapter 5 Party Reaches Full Swing

---------------------------

Review-whoring is the last thing I'd want to do, but if people could lead a little review after reading the latest chapter (s), that'd be encouragement enough to continue the story.

And now for… Responses to Reader Reviews! It occurred to me that it was damn selfish for me to expect more reviews if I, the writer, did not establish some sort of payoff for them, right? So here we go:

To TwilightAoi – I found Ditzy!Mai to be a bit too obvious. Why is it that we project the concept of ditziness onto attractive exhibitionist women? I think if someone has the discipline to become a full-fledged Shiranui ninja in that outfit, she's got to have some depth to her.

To Vulpix Misa – I have to admit, I'm liking the dynamic between their characters too. Will have to see where it all ends up.

To LegendarySuperNamek – I have to be honest. Before I did some research on King's character, I originally conceived her personality as she seemed to appear in KoF 95 – as an parody of a parody of a parody of feminism extremism. Then, when I researched her, I realized that she wasn't so much a feminist as a misandrist, and it'll be interesting now to see how those two sides of her impact each other.

To Lunartick – Glad you like it.

Now, on with the show :

---------------------------

Chapter Five

Iori's plan was simple, and Mai marveled at its genius.

It was all in his movement : a simple standing on the stool and tapping his glass to obtain everyone's attention.

"Hi there, everyone," he said. "Now I'd like to thank everyone for coming. It's taken a lot of work, but I think Terry is going to think this party is a big hit. Huh? Huh?"

Everyone cheered their support.

"Now I've gotten Terry a gift, but no one should feel they have to chip in. However, I'm going to close the open bar, but sell you drinks for a buck less than usual, and that'll go towards his gift. How's that?"

Everyone roared their approval.

He stepped down and leaned in close to Mai's ear. "Charge them two bucks extra," he whispered.

"Right on, boss," Mai replied, sharing his sly smile.

Iori turned around, rather proud of himself, and decided to go from table to table and say hi to everyone. If Eiji wanted a party, by gum, Iori was going to enjoy it.

Ryo Sakazaki sat in a chair drinking a glass of wine. Iori was surprised that King wasn't sitting on his lap. Instead she sat a modest distance away from him, and looking very much like she'd want to sit on his lap.

"Iori," he said, nodding as he passed.

"How are the dojos, Ryo?"

"Fine."

King smiled thinly. "Ryo is a little upset about my recent rejection of his marriage proposal," she said.

"King, don't tell them-" Ryo said.

"I already have, dear, calm down."

"You-?" A wave of emotions surged across Ryo's face and he brought them under control. Quietly, he said, "Fine."

Iori thought it was best to move on and went to the next table. When he did, his vision was suddenly absorbed by the two largest breasts he had ever seen, easily dwarfing Mai's. They were tightly held together by a neon green dress that hurt the eyes, and they belonged to Shermie.

"My dear Shermie," he said, kissing her hand. "I thought you were dead. Didn't Yashiro kill you?"

"Oh ha ha! Reports of my death and so forth-" she said. "Like, I am way too on the ball to die! Life just holds too many opportunities. Sex, for example. Sex is wonderful. Why die when you can have sex? Craziness."

"Question for you, Shermie, darling," Iori said, sitting down at the table beside her. "Why are you sitting smack-dab across from that little bitch Kensou?"

"Hey!" Sie Kensou snapped. "I'm right here, Yagami. You rude little-"

"He's cute, Iori," Shermie said. "Don't you think? Not as cute as Chris, though. Now I think HE is dead. Poor fellow. But ha ha ha! C'est la vie, don't you think?"

"Who exactly informed you two about this party?" Iori asked.

"Mary," Kensou said.

"You're a foolish child for having one, darling," Shermie said. "At this night, in this neighbourhood, we'll wake the dead. You already have Kusanagi wandering about with that mop. Poor zombie."

"Speaking of Kusanagi," Iori said, standing up slowly. "If you'll excuse me."

The object of his attention was a man of breathtaking beauty. A description is needed to drive home the point: Tall and Japanese. Messy white hair. Open-breasted leather suit. Muscular, well-toned, the body of a martial artist.

K' walked up to the bar. Mai dropped the decanter in her hand when she saw him, and it didn't break. She picked it up, flustered, and said, "What'll it be, K'?"

"Brandy, Mai, if you have it," he replied. "How much will it be."

Iori was beside him in a flash, smiling his most winning smile, or, at least trying to. "Your money isn't good here," he said. "Long time no see, K'."

K' blinked at him, then laughed quietly to himself and replaced his money.

When he didn't reply, Iori ventured a move, "What brings you to my shitty little hotel?" (Pawn to B3)

"The party," K' replied. (Pawn to B6)

(Hm, Iori thought. What's his game?)

"Never thought you'd make it out my way," Iori replied. "I'll buy your next drink and we can catch up." (Knight to D3)

"Coming on a bit strong, aren't we?" K''s smile was sardonic as hell. The game was up.

"Am I really that transparent?" Iori asked.

"As cellophane," K' replied.

"Then let me be honest. You're gorgeous. I'm gorgeous. This party sucks; let's go hang out somewhere."

"How much was the brandy?" K' asked.

"I told you-"

"I'm asking Mai," K' said.

Mai glanced from Iori to K', then said, quietly, "Six bucks."

K' tossed a couple bills onto the bar, gave Iori a look that was both teasing and dismissive, then melted away into the crowd.

Mai smiled at Iori, then flattened her hand, holding it in the air. She made a diving sound and dipped her hand some into the bar, where she made an explosion sound.

"Nah, my wings are just clipped," Iori said. "I'm still flyable. Just takes perseverance, is all."

"Sure, boss."

K' walked out into the crowd and found Eiji standing in the corner speaking to Kasumi. K' glided past him and leaned in close, whispering, "You leave him alone, will you?"

"Why do you care so much?" Eiji said, quietly, while Kasumi pruned over the german shepherd puppy. "Billy and I have a stunningly large bone to pick with him."

"I just spoke with him," K' said. "He's done a good job of hiding it, but his pickup attempt was so clumsy as to be revealing. I think he's at the end of his rope."

"Good."

K' stared Eiji down for a few minutes, but if Eiji was superb at anything, it was staring people down. Eventually, K' disappeared into the party and Eiji returned to his conversation with Kasumi.

Meanwhile, Iori took stock on the party situation : Ryo and King at one table, Shermie and Sie Kenzou at another. Eiji and Kasumi were off to the side. Mary, Yuri and May Lee were giggling incessantly, all of them heading into a state of being very drunk. Beyond a group of other people whom Iori didn't entirely recognize, Saisyu Kusanagi was sullenly mopping the floor. Beside him, Malin and Hinako sat at a table, speaking to each other. Among the dancers, Iori could recognize Robert Garcia and others.

And then, suddenly, Ash Crimson was beside him. "Hey, loser," he said.

"Oh Jesus Christ," Iori said. "Get the hell out of here, Ash."

Mai lifted her fan out from under the bar. "You're not welcome here, Ash."

"Sorry if I offended ze mighty powers of Iori Yagami," Ash replied. "However, I do not care in ze slightest if you do not want me here. Kyo Kusanagi is going to be here, and that's exactly what I care about. Mai, get me a spritzer, will you?"

"Piss off."

"Such temper."

Iori stood up, blue fire dancing in his eyes. "Get out of my hotel, Ash."

Ash grabbed Iori's face and shoved him back. Iori fell into a barstool and crashed to the ground painfully.

Ash laughed, then was cut off as Mai's fist cannoned off his face.

She was over the bar counter in a split-second, and her heel on on Ash's throat. "Who invited you, anyways?" she snapped.

Ash's eyes danced with laughter. "Eiji, mademoiselle."

"Stop being an asshole."

"Mais oui."

She helped him up, and they both lifted Iori to his feet.

"Piss off," Iori muttered to Ash.

"Jokes aside," Ash said. "What iz wrong with him? The Yagami I knew wouldn't have gone down zo easily."

"Terry beat the shit out of him earlier," Mai said. "He's not having a good day. You get some ice for him."

"Where are you going?" Ash asked, as she left him with Iori.

"I'm going to have a talk with Eiji," she replied, anger in her eyes.

Ash chuckled and lay Iori out on the bar counter, then lifted up the ice bucket and wrapped a few cubes in some cloth. "One good zing about me being here, Iori," he said, giving the ice to Iori. "is that zuddenly you aren't ze biggest jerk in the hotel."

"Lucky me," Iori muttered.

Then Athena was upon him, fluttering kisses down on his face and asking him what happened and what did that brute Ash do to him, and Iori wondered what he had done to deserve all this?

Oh yeah, he thought. That.


	6. Chapter 6 Kyo's Arrival

Mai slid through the crowd of people, keeping her eyes on the man in full ninja costume ahead of her.

She paused only once in her approach; sitting down in front of K', she spoke to him without letting her eyes leave Eiji, "K', I need to ask you a question."

"Shoot."

"As long as I've known him, Iori's gaydar has been spot on; one hundred percent. So I'm a little surprised he started working on you. I mean, you've never really shown any indication before-"

K' looked up at her. "I'm surprised the nature of my sexuality is such a big deal for you."

"Well, it's not, but I'm just curious."

"Heh. Well, not that it's any of your business, but when I was, um, I made /I , the chemicals affecting psychological sexual preference weren't designed to make any specific choice."

"Iori doesn't think much of bisexuals."

"I think everyone's slightly bisexual in some little manner. But, heh, I'm not bisexual in any traditional way. Just… sexual."

"You sure are. Any reason to shoot Yagami down so fast?"

K' blinked, then laughed, and looked away. "Yeah. I'm not in the Goddamn mood for his or anybody's shit. What, make small talk with him until the wee hours of the night? The awkwardness of _sex_ with him? Sex is _never_ casual, no matter what we're told."

Mai parted his lips slightly into a small smile. "Oh, I don't know about that," she said. "Don't knock casual sex until you try it."

"Well, there's your answer," K' replied. "Yagami just doesn't think ahead when he tries to pick people up. What does he want? Does he want casual sex? Or does he want a damn relationship? Who does he think I am? He thinks we'll walk around, having breakfast together, holding hands?"

Mai laughed, and for the first time drew her attention away from Eiji to look at K'. "Knowing Yagami, I think his relationships are a bit more distant then that. More Merry Men camaraderie and less intimacy, I think."

"And if he wants a one night stand, can he do it properly?"

"What's properly?"

"Completely unattached – two people making love, reveling in the act of it but not in each other – no bullshit before or afterwards; I wake up and he's gone."

"I know a lot of people who don't like it when they wake up and they're gone."

"Then they weren't looking for a one-night stand."

Eiji walked by, close enough that Mai could lunge for him. She flashed K' a farewell glance, and marched over to Eiji.

"We have to talk, Kisaragi," she snapped.

Eiji turned slightly and the puppy in his arms looked up at Mai with frightened eyes, affected by her mood. "Then talk," he said.

"What the _hell_ were you thinking, inviting Ash?" she snapped. "That was the last straw – Yagami deserved the party, sure, and he may have deserved you inviting Athena, but who next? Vice and Mature?"

"Already done," Eiji replied. "You'll find them by the corner."

She turned slightly and caught a glimpse of a brunette and blonde slinking along the far wall. She imagined Iori's expression when he found out they were here. "You have some explaining to do, Kisaragi," she said.

"I think _you _do," Eiji replied, peering out at her from within his ninja mask. "I think you should explain this whole party's existence. All of you come together year after year to pummel each other senseless and from this you all become friends? You and Yagami were never on the same team, yet here you are, defending him."

"Yeah!" Mai snapped. "Yeah, we're friends! I know what Iori did was horrible, but that was years ago, and he's apologized for it! Hell, that was a competition for Christ's sake! You do what you have to to get ahead in a competition!"

"You don't do what he did to me," Eiji replied. "That was dishonourable in the extreme."

Mai blinked, then leaned forward. "Kisaragi, dumbass, you're a I ninja /I . Ninjas don't have honour, you idiot! We're the opposite of honourable! We're assassins!"

"I felt dishonoured," Eiji said, and shrugged. "This, and the rest of the night, will be my vengeance upon him."

"Had to throw it together quickly, didn't you? He calls you up, stupidly thinking you guys were pals, and then you came up with some revenge plan?"

"I improvised."

"You're an idiot."

"How does the saying go? Sticks and stones-?"

"Iori said he bought you a drink and made up."

"Yagami invited me for a drink, then left me to pay for it when someone he knew caught his eye and he left."

"Urg, that idiot. Listen, Kisaragi, you've got to make up with him properly. Iori's a huge jerk, sure, but he's also- well… it's hard to describe. You have to look beyond the selfish, arrogant manchild."

"And see the selfish, arrogant manchild beneath?"

"Yes, but he's _less_ the selfish, arrogant manchild!"

"Tonight will be my vengeance, Shiranui, and you cannot stop me."

"Ah, piss off, Kisaragi."

As she walked away, Eiji kept his eyes on her – mainly on the way her hips and posterior moved – then returned his attention to the couple he'd been watching all night – Iori and Athena.

Over at the bar, Ash Crimson poured himself another drink. "Iori," he said. "I did not expect you to be with such esteemed company."

"She's not esteemed," Iori said. "Get _off_ me, Asamiya!"

Athena clung to his arm and tried to dab Iori's bruises with a swab. "Hold still!" she said. "You're bleeding-!"

"Give me _one _ reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand, Ash," Iori said. "Why the hell did you even show up here? You just crash the parties of people who hate your guts?"

"Ze knock to your head may have scramble your memories," Ash replied, serenely. "I am here because Kyo Kusanagi will be here. C'est pourquoi."

"So why don't I just organize this mob into a Ash-kicking contest?"

"I do not zink this hotel could withstand such a zing, no?"

"Ah, mais oui," Iori sighed. "It'd all get burnt to the ground, wouldn't it?"

"Oui," Ash replied. "Zo I zink it best we both be on our best behaviour tonight. No warning Kyo of his imminent defeat, hm?"

"Hold it. Are you _threatening_ me?"

"I believe zo."

"Do it again and I'll bury you in the smoky ashes of this Goddamn hotel, hear me?"

"Loud and clear, Yagami- _san_."

"Iori," Athena said, firmly. "I know there is some weird unspoken tension between us-"

"_Unspoken_!" Iori snapped.

"- but I feel that we need to move past that. I'm willing to make the first move here. I know I've messed this up before in the past, but I _know_ we can be happy together. Let me start again."

"Not interested. I'm _gay_, Athena."

"Then why do I see those pinpoints of desire swirling around like fireworks in the back of your eyes, huh?"

"It's just your Goddamn reflection!"

"I'm starting fresh here. Iori, listen to me."

"No, not listening."

"Don't be such a baby. It turns me off."

"Then allow me to shit my pants and make bubbles in my milk."

"I have a concert this Friday-"

"Lucky you."

"-and I'm wondering if you would join me on stage. You're a fine musician, after all. Wouldn't that be a totally awesome date?"

"Ohhh _God_," Iori said, bending forward and burying his face in his palms. "I'm not _interested_ in you, Asamiya!"

"Don't be so shy around me."

"Athena," Mai said, walking up to the bar. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Sure!" Athena replied, and bounded after her.

Mai went up the first set of stairs and opened the back door. The roar of the rain outside thundered in, and the air turned chilly and wet. She stepped out onto the fire escape and listened to the rain crash on the little metal roof above.

Athena stepped out beside her and closed the door. "Iori is totally being a jerk to me tonight, Mai!" she said. "What is it? Am I spacey tonight? Do I look like shit? What's the _deal_?"

"Athena," Mai said, calmly, wondering how to choose her words. "How long have we been friends?"

"For five, six years now, I guess? Maybe longer?"

"And I usually respect you – I mean, _anyone_ who can juggle their career, keep themselves in shape, and fight crime has to be a pretty special person."

"Well, I don't like to boast, but-"

"But what the hell is this obsessive infatuation with Iori Yagami? Eight years and you never even look at him, and suddenly he puts his foot nearly through your face during a tournament and you're all over him!"

"We're in love," she replied, quietly.

Mai blinked. She suddenly had the sensation that she was talking to a twelve-year-old girl. This sensation transformed into a memory of her ten years ago – young, stupid and utterly convinced that she was in love with Andy Bogard. Urgh. But that was different – Andy and she were together in training. There were all sorts of stupid sexual tension moments that a young idiot might romanticize. Andy Bogard lifting her up after a match and smiling at her. That shit was in those stupid girl books she used to read – no wonder she thought she was in love.

This, though, was brain damage. Iori – gruff, stupid, selfish, vaguely homosexual Iori – kicks her in the face, and suddenly her eyes turn into pulsating hearts.

"You're not in love!" Mai snapped. "What I think this is is some messed up infatuation coming about to make up for the fact that you lost to him! You can't deal with the fact that he was better than you, so you make yourself think you're in love with him! This is a classic example of-"

_Something that I did with Andy_, she thought, suddenly, and bit her lip. _Jesus, Athena, don't go down that path._

Proof positive, though : Athena was so insecure about her feelings for Iori that she immediately leapt onto the defensive, "What the hell do you know?" she snapped. "Stupid, saggy-titted old lady thinks she can talk to me about my love? As if you know what I feel! How _dare_ you!" 

Classic teenage girl argument tactics. You don't know how I feel, blah, blah, blah. Mai blinked at her and wondered if falling in lust with Iori Yagami made you stupid.

Mai laughed in her face. "Oh piss off, Athena!" she said, chuckling. "I don't _really_ have to give you my credentials, do I? I think a woman in her late twenties can make educated guesses on the subjects of anything sexual, don't you?"

"Oh? Have _you_ ever been in love?"

"Yeah," Mai replied, smiling wistfully. "I think I am. I know I _used_ to think I was. Now I think I really am."

Oh, Andy, she thought. When can we start acting like adults when it comes to our relationship? My God, we're been both as stupid as Athena's been, haven't we?

"I _know_ I'm in love," Athena snapped. "I'm in love with Iori Yagami. Not to mention the fact that I'm young, lithe and beautiful as hell! I've been being forthcoming as hell, not playing hard to get at all! My friends probably think I'm a slut by now, and I still /I he doesn't notice me!"

Mai blinked. _You still have friends stupid and immature enough to still be calling people sluts? Jesus, Athena._

"Well," she said. "The fact is that Iori's not really into gir-"

"I'm going to give him an ultimatum right _now_," Athena said, throwing open the back door and stomping in.

Mai bit her lip and wondered whether she should be irritated or amused.

Had she been at the top of her game, Athena would've noticed the way Eiji Kisaragi was shadowing Iori as the latter moved around the room (Iori had definitely noticed). Unfortunately, Mai's conversation with her had shaken her up enough to give her tunnel vision – Iori, and only Iori.

She was vaguely aware of the crowd around her that she pushed through, vaguely aware of how Mai followed her.

Iori had finally noticed the presence of Vice and Mature and couldn't believe his eyes.

"Eiji invited you, huh?" he said, as they sat at one of his tables and smiled at him.

"No," Mature replied. "We've been keeping every King of Fighters contestant's phones tapped, just in case we have to report anything."

"How wonderful," Iori replied. "So I have to get new phones, is that it? Just had to come check out the party?"

"It's marvelous to say the least," Mature replied.

"Why are the four people I hate at this party?" Iori replied.

"Aw, baby," Vice said, playfully sticking a long needle through her earlobe and gasping in mingled pleasure/pain. "You don't _really_ hate us, do you?"

"Didn't I kill you two in some blood-crazed rage?"

"Theoretically," Mature replied. "But you'll recall Rugal and Saisyu Kusanagi died a few times as well."

"So what, do we fight now?" Iori asked.

"No, silly!" Vice said, laughing. "We want to be friends, honest. I was honestly turned on by your manly rampage. Mature, here, I think, is a little afraid of you."

"I like men who scare me," Mature said, licking her lips.

"You'll be surprised to know that you aren't the craziest women here," Iori replied. "And if the craziest grabs onto me _one_ more time-"

Athena reached Iori and took his hand and said something.

Iori turned to her and shouted something so angrily and loudly that all eyes turned to look at him.

This was the moment Eiji had been waiting for. In no way should it really get across that this plan was anything Kisaragi had been planning for for a long time. Eiji's master plan had been to merely face off against Iori and defeat him publicly with new moves, the result of more training, et cetera. Tonight's plan had formulated in Eiji's head the moment stupid, trusting Iori had phoned him and asked him to beat up Terry Bogard.

It was a plan born from watching Iori, how he moved, what he did, and mainly how he reacted from irritation. Ninjas, especially of the Kisaragi clan, were trained to study people, and notice their quirks, their tics. Yagami acted all cool and calm, but his temper was a rising tempest, and eventually the dam broke and Iori acted with anger. This had happened the last time Athena worked on Iori – badgering and badgering and badgering until Iori had screamed at her and walked out. Eiji hadn't thought about it much until Iori had called him. Now, his plan was put to work.

At the very cusp of Iori's scream, Eiji moved liquidly, grabbing Iori's fist and putting enough force behind it to drive it full-on into Athena's face. Athena's head and neck snapped back, and her right cheekbone and nose gave, cracking. She fell back with a pained cry and landed on her back.

Iori stared at her in stunned silence, then at his fist, then at the crowd with all eyes on him, then at Eiji. "I-" he said.

Athena stared up at him, hurt and in shock.

"What the hell are you thinking?" Eiji cried, theatrically putting emotion into his voice for once. "Striking down a defenseless woman?"

Iori didn't quite know what to say. Defend himself? Accuse Eiji? Run?

All eyes were on him. The crowd had boxed him in, and a small clearing was made around Iori and the fallen Athena.

"What a jerk!" Eiji continued, loudly. "You woman-beating asshole!"

Eiji waited for the inevitable person to take up the cry, and the crowd to form mob-mentality, to turn on Iori and destroy him.

"Jesus, Iori," Mature said, crossing her legs. "Nice punch."

Eiji blinked. No one seemed to be doing anything.

Iori turned and glared at him. "You're such an asshole, Kisaragi."

He bent down to help Athena up.

Eiji sputtered, "Y-you're the asshole! Hitting a defenseless woman in the face!"

"Why do you keep saying that?" King said. "Why 'defenseless woman', not 'defenseless person'? You saying women are defenseless?"

Eiji blinked.

"Good for you, Iori," Mai said, also helping Athena up. "She deserved that. I'm glad you were the one that did it. I was about to punch her too."

People were starting to turn back to their drinks. Some were congratulating Iori.

"Darling," Shermie said, peering down at Athena. "I didn't think you had the guts for that."

"B-but-!" Eiji snapped. "But he's a big overgrown asshole who just hit a woman in anger! Aren't you angry!"

"Well, I guess Athena will be," Mai replied. "But she kind've had it coming to her. I'm surprised Iori hadn't done that before now."

"Why're you so stunned by this, Eiji?" King asked. "Never thought you were so conservative. We beat up women all the damn time in the tournament remember? Never thought you were so _sexist_ as to think women can't fight. Reminds me of the jerks in Thailand."

"I didn't actually-" Iori said. "God, Athena, are you okay?"

"My face hurts," she said, peering out from a mass of bruises.

"Ah," Ash Crimson said, appearing with a collection of ice cubes in a cloth. "I never zought we'd get zo far into ze night without a fight. After all, we are all zo violent normally."

"I'm kind've disappointed in Athena," Mai said. "All those psychic powers; you'd think she'd be able to deflect that punch. Give Iori a swift kick to the-"

Eiji couldn't believe his ears. Iori should've been lynched by now. Eiji couldn't take such a humiliation – he'd have to take his revenge now. He drew his hands to his sides and removed his knives from his sheathes.

_Yagami doesn't have all his powers back yet_, he thought. _I'll just have to be silent and swift_.

Except that King was suddenly standing in front of him. "Never thought I'd see such a chauvinist pig in my presence," she snapped.

"Now honey-" Ryo cautioned.

"Back off, dear," King threatened. "Listen, Kisaragi, I don't know where you're getting your antiquated ideas but-"

"Out of my way!" Eiji snapped, some rare anger coming into his voice.

King decked him, hard enough to send him up and over two tables and into a third. "Sexist bastard," she muttered, rubbing her fist.

Iori took the ice from Ash and they both helped Athena to a table and applied the ice. Iori was much too distracted by Eiji's treachery to notice that Athena wasn't really in as much pain as she pretended. She just liked having Iori's arm around her, and that concerned expression on his face. That was definitely worth a few punches to her face.

Then a commotion went up. Flanked by Benimaru and Daimon, Kyo Kusanagi had entered the hotel.

Iori thought briefly of abandoning Athena and hiding Saisyu somewhere, but he knew it was too late. By the expression on Kyo's face, it was plain that he had already seen his father.

It wasn't a very good expression.


	7. Chapter 7 Terry's Arrival, Again

Saisyu Kusanagi approached Kyo slowly. Slowly, as in incredibly slowly, as in one step, then a pause, as if savouring the procession of heartbeats that seemed the only sound in the hotel at the moment (as well as the buzz of the shoddy electrical system).

"Father," Kyo said, automatically and unconsciously going into a military snap-to-attention. "You're, uh, alive. Again."

"Again and again and again," Saisyu replied. "I'm hoping my next death will be my last, but it seems no one can stay dead around here."

"Saisyu Kusanagi!" Benimaru cried, rushing forward and pumping the older man's hand. "It's an honour to finally meet you in a civilized fashion!"

The arm came loose from Saisyu's shoulder, and Benimaru slowly stopping swinging it. "I'm sorry, sir," he said. "I guess I just don't know my own strength."

"Give me that," Saisyu said, snatching the arm away from him. "So. Kyo. You're looking well."

"Um. You too, father."

"Mister Kusanagi," Daimon said, bowing. "It is also an honour for me to meet you in circumstances where you are not brainwashed."

"Now, then," Saisyu said. "If you'll excuse me, I have to continue mopping the floor."

"Mopping the floor?" Kyo said. "Father, why-?"

"Iori will throw me out into the rain if I don't."

"_Yagami_?" Kyo snapped. "Yagami has you _mopping_ his _floor_?"

"Controversy!" Iori shouted, stepping up onto a table and knocking Athena over accidentally. "Kusanagi, your father wanted a job and janitorial duties was the only thing I had!"

"Yagami!" Benimaru cried, stepping forwards. "What the hell happened to you? You've got bruises, cuts, bandages-"

"Looks like a fight broke out," Kyo said. "Athena? You okay?"

"I'm fine," Athena said, peering out from a bruised face. "My dose is just hurt."

"So what the hell is everyone doing here?" Kyo asked. "Aren't we here to surprise Terry?"

"We are!" Mary cried, pushing through the crowd. "Now he should be here at any moment, so I want everyone to be wearing these little hats I bought at the store. Aren't they cute? Here, Kyo. Here's yours, Benimaru. Yours, Daimon."

Kyo looked at the little pointed paper hat in his hand.

"Dude, you got pink!" Benimaru cried, laughing and concentrated, letting his hair fall down so he could strap the hat on. "Mine's red. Red is an awesome colour, not gay like pink."

"An interesting development, wouldn't you say, Kyo?" Daimon asked, looking down at the hat in his hand.

"I guess," Kyo replied. "Yagami, what the hell is going on?"

"Shut up, Kusanagi," Iori snapped. "Things got a little out of hand here. Mai, get the Japan team a drink please."

Kyo glared at Iori, turned and said, "Let's get the hell out of here."

But Benimaru was already off chatting up the ladies, and Daimon was with him, trying to get past being shy.

"Goddammit," Kyo muttered, then walked into the party, hands shoved deep in his pocket.

"Why the expression, Kyo?" Mary asked. "Oh, shit, I mean Kusanagi. I can never tell what you call Japanese people. Anyways, you look down. It's a party! Have some fun!"

"Maybe I don't like parties," Kyo replied. "Parties are only fun if you like the people at the party."

"You don't like me?"

"We're not exactly friends, Mary. Are you drunk?"

"I'll have you know, Kyo, I can hold my alcohol excellently."

"Kusanagi," Eiji said, sitting alone at a table by himself. "You hate Yagami too, don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess," Kyo said, approaching him. "I dunno about hate. I can't say I like him, but I respect him. Sort've."

"Why?"

"Why what, Kisaragi?"

"Why don't you hate him?"

"Why would I? Sure, he's a jerk and a loser and he stubbornly thinks he's a better fighter than me, but that's no reason to hate a guy."

"You have more reason than any of us to hate him. He wants to kill you someday."

"Hah! Like to see him try, I really would."

"But-"

"And I'm sick of hearing you talk in that stupid monotone voice! Do you think that makes you sound badass, tough guy? You're such some loser in a costume. You lost to Yagami, for Christ's sake!"

Every upward pitch of Kyo's immediately subsequent laughter was a hammer punching a spike into Eiji's brain.

As Kyo left him, he went back into his meditative sulk. The next moment, he realized Mature was sitting opposite him.

"What do you want, assassin?" he asked.

"Ooh, scary," Mature said. "I like the voice. Not too sure about the costume, though. Personally, I'm a tad disappointed. I thought anyone who would train for ten years nonstop for a simple matter of revenge would be a little bit interesting. That was a lame stunt you pulled there. I mean, the execution was impressive: you moved so fast I think only Vice and I saw it. Still, can't see how you would've thought that would work."

"I've relied on man's innate prejudices before."

"Innate? Relying on sociologically bred prejudices only works if you're in a society where those prejudices are bred. You think a bunch of martial-artists-from-birth were going to care if Iori Yagami punched Athena Asamiya in the face? He's done it a million times before! I guess you were just off training for ten years. Mighty anti-social, if I do say so myself."

"My vengeance will still happen tonight. Yagami may not have lost his friends, but he will lose his hotel."

"I knew ninjas sometimes stooped to arson, but I never thought the great Eiji Kisaragi would stoop to arson."

"Nor will I. Ever since Yagami called me, I have been making phone calls that will put my vengeance into action."

"Pretending that Iori hit Athena didn't work very well."

"A ninja must learn to improvise; roll with the punches."

"Kisaragi, Iori attacked you ten years ago and you're still muttering about it today. That's not rolling with the punches, that's just plain old obsession. I don't think ninjas learn to do that."

Eiji didn't reply.

Mature smiled and crossed her legs. She leaned forwards and said, "Tell me this, Kisaragi. If you had the chance, would you have done the same thing to Yagami, if it meant winning the tournament and eliminating a possible enemy?"

Eiji was silent for a moment. Then he said, "No."

"Oh come now, Kisaragi. Does not a ninja 'do what he must'?"

"Do not quote the Laws of Ninjutsu to _me_, woman!" he snapped, anger suddenly firing up in his voice.

"You see, Kisaragi," Mature said, holding up her glass and swirling her drink around. "I wouldn't have any problem with the display of drama today if it hadn't been so damned hypocritical."

"You speak nonsense, woman."

"Then deny it."

"What?"

Mature's eyes glittered. "Deny it," she said. "Say 'I would not have done the same thing to Yagami as he did to me'."

"Get away from me, woman."

"Ha ha! You Goddamned hypocrite!"

"Get away!" Eiji snapped, standing up.

He stared at her. Mature stared back, but her stare dripped pure femininity, and she did it with a smile. It took a lot of skill in staring down to stare down Eiji Kisaragi, and it was a testament to Mature's ability that she managed to stare him down for as long as she did.

Then, smiling knowingly, she snickered and stood up. "Credibility, Kisaragi, is so important in getting through life. Before I go, do you mind explaining your half-baked idea as to how this hotel is getting burned down?"

"It's too late to stop it," Eiji said, staring at her in anger. "But it's so simple. See K' over there?"

"How could I miss him?"

"What if K-Four-Nine and Angel showed up?"

"My, Kisaragi, that seems so subtle for you. And in the vast battle that follows, Iori's hotel is the casualty?"

"Leaving him broken, as he left me."

"Kisaragi, that's so… so… anti-social of you."

"Do not anger me any further, woman."

"I'm shaking in my boots. I think I'll find a good spot to watch the imminent show."

Over at the bar, Iori sat down and poured himself a drink. "Maybe this isn't so bad, Mai," he said. "In fact, maybe we should do this more often. We hardly have anyone over anyways. These parties are kind've fun."

"I just wish the music wasn't so loud," Andy Bogard said, resting an ice pack on his forehead.

"More orange juice for you, baby," Mai said, setting the glass down. "Remember, drink faster and the hangover will go away quicker."

"Not quick enough."

"Zis iz rather frustrating," Ash Crimson said, also behind the bar, pouring himself a screwdriver. "Kuzanagi is just over zere. I want him to notice me, to be surprised, to start a fight, and yet, it iz like I am invisible, non?"

"Kyo and Benimaru are so self-absorbed, I'm surprised they see can anyone else," Iori replied.

"Pft," Mai said. "Look who's talking."

"I admit it," Iori said. "I've been a jackass in the past, but from this day forward, maybe I should try and be a better, progressive Iori Yagami."

"Not going to happen," Mai replied. "Just take it slowly, Iori. One step at a time. Maybe in another ten years, you'll be downright likeable."

"Here's hoping," Iori replied.

"Yagami!" Benimaru cried, slapping his hand on Iori's back (Oh Jesus, Iori thought). "Looking for you all over the place! This is a mighty fine pad! Can I get some booze, please, Mai! You are looking FINE, by the way."

"Always am, Nikaido," Mai replied. "I don't think I like you with your hair down, though. What'll it be?"

"Your strongest beer!" Benimaru cried, slapping his hand down on the table. He looked at Shermie, whose waist he had his arm around and said, "The problem with being so strong is it's harder for me to get drunk!"

"Darling, tell me about it," Shermie replied. "Strength to sobriety ratio positive proof: Kensou passed out twenty minutes ago. A pity, isn't it?"

"Kensou passed out! That's hilarious! Where is he? We should play a prank on him or something!"

"Darling, that would be _hilarious_, I must say. Gauche, but hilarious."

"I don't know what that means but you're one beautiful chick, Shermie."

"Benimaru, you always know actually what to say, don't you?"

"I'm one smooth criminal. Hey, Yagami, what's with the long face?"

"I'm exhausted," Iori replied. "I'm not used to so many annoying people all at once."

"Yeah! Annoying people are lame, aren't they? Can't stand those buggers! Hey, Mai, if you come stand beside us, they're'll just be too much beautiful for people to handle! Ha ha!"

Kyo approached from behind them. "Benimaru," he said. "Can we just get the hell out of here? Please?'

"Lighten up, dude!" Benimaru replied. "We hardly ever get to parties these days! And this one is swinging! Booze, girls, music – what more could we ask for?"

"Yagami," Kyo said. "I thought we were beating up Terry tonight. What gives?"

"Kisaragi screwed everything up," Iori replied.

"Hi, Mai," Kyo said, a little awkwardly.

"Hi, Kyo," Mai said. "How's the love life?"

"I'm back with Yuki. You?"

"Almost back with Andy," Mai said. "Just need to get him sober enough to talk seriously with him."

"Why does Yagami look like he's been run over by a bus?"

"Don't mind him. He's enjoying himself. Iori prefers it when he's miserable and looks miserable when he's not."

"You're a whiz with hyperbole, Mai," Iori replied. "No, I'm just tired. I want to go to bed."

"Why don't you?" Kyo asked.

"I'm afraid Athena might try and climb in with me."

That was it. Enough was enough. Ash Crimson climbed up onto the bar stool and cried, "Kyo Kusanagi! Your time haz come! If only you had noticed me before (which I have no idea how you didn't, as I was standing right in front of you) maybe you could have spared yourself this pain! Your flames are mine, Kusanagi!"

Ash laughed and pulled back his hand, his arm warming up with green flame. Kyo and Iori reached out at the same time, grabbed Ash's legs and pulled. He went flying back into the shelves of bottles. The whole shelving unit, complete with alcohol, came down on him with a crash, leaving only a pile of wood and broken glass, and two legs sticking out.

"Well, it was expensive, but it was worth it," Iori said.

"Damn frog," Kyo muttered.

"Well," Mai said, slapping her hands together. "Looks like my job is done: all the drinks are on the floor."

Benimaru leaned over, looked at the pile and said, "Looks like Ash can't hold his alcohol."

Mai rolled her eyes and said, "That was lame, Nikaido."

Incredibly lame it was, but still Iori and Kyo started to crack up, and before Mai could boggle her eyes, they were full-bore throwing their heads back and laughing.

Shermie turned her head at the sound of the doors opening and said, "Darlings, this is all _very_ droll, but I must warn you that we have visitors."

"Terry?" Iori said, turning.

No, not Terry.

There were two of them: the one that attracted the most attention was a woman of average height, and large breasts. The breasts seemed to stand out the most, as they seemed out of proportion to her lean frame, and her outfit, a leather jacket that ended up beneath the curve of her bosom, showed enough flesh to make it distracting. Similarly, any attempts to take in the rest of her were immediately distracted by the fact that she was wearing black bikini briefs, and she had very nice legs. Let's not say that any of this took away from her face, which, combining platinum silver hair and blue eyes, was very cute.

What this is trying to get across was that Angel was very beautiful and very scantily clad.

The man standing beside her… well…

"Oh, K-Four-9," Iori said, getting up. "What, you got tired of fighting the Clowns? Had to come here?"

"Shut up!" K9999 cried. "We're looking for K' and nobody's gonna stop us!"

"Think we're joking?" Angel asked. "Is THIS joking?"

Iori thought, as Angel's fist burst through the table, _I_ _was going to throw that one out anyways_.

K' stood up, slowly. He walked through the tables, through the crowd, and faced the two newcomers. "Right," he said. "Shall we?"

"No, we shan't," Mary snapped, leaping in front of K' and the others. "No beating up each other yet. Iori and I want this party perfect for Terry?"

Huh? thought Iori.

"Out of the way," Angel said.

"If you don't move," K9999 said. "I'll _make_ you move."

"How about you piss off!" King shouted.

"Yeah!" Ryo added.

"Who said that!" K9999 exclaimed. "I'll make you pay for that-!"

King got up and walked out of the crowd, right up to K9999 and stood in front of him, hands of her hips. "Here I am, buddy. You gonna blow my head up with your mind?"

"Maybe," K9999 snarled.

"Guys, seriously," K' said. "I can handle them."

"No! No!" Mary shouted. "No fighting!"

"Gonna back up your smacktalk with anything, shrimp?" King asked.

"Shut up!" K9999 snapped. "I'm the strongest here so don't mess with me!"

"The strongest?" Benimaru said, leaping from the bar and pushing through the crowd. "I'm the strongest here, little buddy. I guess I could give you some pointers, though, if you're really that insecure."

"Huh?" K9999 asked.

"First things first," Benimaru said. "You need a better image. This I-just-escaped-from-a-military-hospital look doesn't do it for you. First of all, you've got tall spiky hair, but you need it taller. Plus you need some new threads."

"Stop talking-!" K9999 snarled.

"Plus, we should work out a little!" Benimaru said. He raised his arms to make his shirt rise even higher. "You need abs like mine! Six squares of pure beauty! Look, if I flex my stomach, they roll around! Look, guys, look!"

K9999 flushed. His veins began to stand out and he snarled.

Angel touched his shoulder slightly and said, "Don't stress yourself out, babe," she said. "Remember what the professor said: you can't get too angry while you're on your medication. Your powers could go out of control."

"Look, guys!" Benimaru cried. "Look at them go!"

"We see you, Benimaru," Daimon said. "Very impressive."

"What, little shrimp here needs his meds?" King asked. "Sorry if I'm a little belligerent: I just hate it when people crash parties. Especially if they're ugly little inconsiderate pimples like this one."

K9999 gritted his teeth. "I'll make you regret that," he said.

"Take your best shot, pal."

King flew over the heads of the partygoers, her face bleeding, and crashed down behind the front desk in a pile of documents.

"I just sorted those," Iori muttered.

Ryo ran to the front desk. "King!" he cried. "Are you okay?"

She sprang up, vaulted over the desk, and charged through the crowd at K9999.

"Ah hah," K9999 said, smiling, watching her approach. The psychic blast manifested as a multi-coloured half-sphere around him, and it felt to King like electrocution. Steam rising off her body, she flew back into the crowd.

"No fighting!" Mary protested.

"Shush," Angel said, folding her arms. "I'm rather enjoying this."

"Who invited you, anyways?" Mary snapped. "Party crashers! Nobody wants you here!"

"Shut up!" K9999 cried. "Who cares? We're stronger than all of you, so we can just do what we please!"

"That's the spirit!" Benimaru cried, clasping K9999's shoulder. "That's right! We strong and beautiful make the world go 'round."

King leapt up to her feet and launched herself at K9999 again. This time, he decided to use a more brutal move on her face, twisting his flesh and bone into a drill that'd hopefully mutilate her features. She wouldn't be so pretty when he got through with her…

She vaulted over his attack, getting two punches into his jaw and neck. She landed and reared up, kicking his in the crotch and chest. To observers, it seemed like she was _accelerating_: Before K9999 could stumble back, she kicked his legs out, grabbed her falling torso and plowed him, face first, into the ground.

Not finished: She kicked him in the face and kneed him in the chest, and finally released him, letting him fly into the wall and collapse in a bloody heap.

"I will NOT lose to a punk-ass jackass asshole like you!" King shouted. She turned to face Angel aggressively. "What? You want a piece of me, bitch? What, come on! I see you looking at me! You want to fight, huh?"

"Honey-" Ryo said, stepping out of the crowd. "Are you okay?"

Angel blinked at the bloody mess of K9999. "You're going to pay for that," she said, to King.

"Then bring it," King said. "Come on, let's do this."

Angel launched herself at King, dropped and skidded along the ground, knocking King's legs out from under her.

"No fighting!" Mary snapped.

"Stay out of this, Mary!" Angel cried, skidding back, dodging and weaving King's swings.

King went upside down and sliced her foot backwards into Angel's forehead. Angel's head snapped back, and she continued the motion, carrying her body into a back flip and stabbing her toes into King's airborne back.

"Elaborate fight," Mai said, watching.

"Aren't they all?" Iori asked.

"You said it," Kyo agreed.

Angel landed on her feet and got King above the eye with a calculated blow. King reeled, trying to blink away the blood that got in the way of her vision. Angel charged, coming up with a kick to her opponent's face.

King caught the kick, and twisted backwards, pulling Angel off balance. She leapt up, planting her foot in Angel's solar plexus, stomach and between her breasts. The two women cannoned off each other and hit the ground in painful rolls.

"Stop FIGHTING!" Mary shouted.

"Mary!" King snapped, getting to her feet. "This cat needs her claws clipped."

"Don't get mad at me, please, Mary," Angel said. "I'm just doing my mission."

"Honestly, girls," K' said. "None of this is necessary. I can-"

He was cut off as Angel and King flew at each other again. They flew off each other again, a tooth coming loose from King's bleeding mouth, and two ribs creaking in Angel's chest. They hit the ground, and got to their feet.

"You're ruining the party, girls!" Mary said, stepping in between them.

"King's slowing down, Mary," Angel said, breathing hard and trying to stay on her feet. "Let me-"

"NO!" Mary said, and punched Angel in the face.

Angel hit the ground and stared up at her in shock and anger. She scissored her legs into Mary's and leapt onto her as she fell. Mary got Angel in the throat and rolled over onto her, pinning her arms and legs down. "Enough, you crazy bitch!" she snapped.

Angel stared up at her, her breasts rising and falling in rhythm. "Oh, Mary," she said, and plunged her tongue into Mary's mouth.

Okay, _that_ got everyone's attention.

Mary gave out a small muffled cry of surprise and tried to pull away from the, admittedly amazing, kiss. She pushed off of Angel and stumbled away, staring at her, then looked at everyone else. Everyone else stared back at her.

"Mary…" Angel said, staring at her. "God, I guess I shouldn't have done that."

Somewhere in the silence, Vice burst out into laughter.

"No, no, no," Mary said. "I guess it's alright for people to display their feelings in times of, um, heightened stress and, um, stuff, but, uh-"

"I mean, I, you know," Angel said, flustered. "I know I'm supposed to be a badass killing machine, but there you were, you know, on top of me, and I guess I just kind've-"

"Yeah, yeah, I understand, I, um, I understand," Mary replied.

She helped Angel to her feet. Whereupon, Angel kissed her again.

"No," Mary said, pushing Angel away. "None of that."

"Yes, sorry," Angel replied. "Sorry. Sorry, sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay," Mary said. "Just- Let's all calm down for a second."

Eiji Kisaragi couldn't believe his Goddamned eyes.

He just couldn't believe them.

K' wasn't leaping around, sending out gouts of flame into Iori's dry walls. Angel wasn't leaping about smashing up tables and chairs. K9999 wasn't destroying everything with his psychic powers.

In front of him, Mature turned about on her seat and laughed in his face.

He shook with anger, got up onto the table and screamed at the top of his lungs, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!"

The hotel's shoddy electrical system finally gave up the ghost, sparked, and set the ceiling on fire. A wall of fire and pieces of ceiling came down onto Eiji.

"Oh God!" Iori said, standing up. "Everyone get out!"

He leapt for the front desk.

"Iori!" Mai shouted. "Where're you going?"

"I have to check the register!" Iori shouted. "See if anyone's still in the building!"

Flames clambered over the crappy dry walls and around onto the floors. The crowd surged forward, scrambling to get out of the hotel. 

Iori checked the register: the junkies had left a while ago, and the blond woman too. Good. He turned about and started shoving important documents into a briefcase.

Two support beams crashed down next to him and he fell onto his back.

Death by fire, he thought. Is that irony, or just coincidence?

Mai leapt onto the front desk and pulled him to his feet. She started dragging him towards the door.

"Wait!" Iori cried, and began kicking at a pile of flaming rags on the floor.

"Yagami, what the hell are you doing?" Mai asked, the inferno raging around her.

Iori kicked out the last of the flames and picked up a very scorched Eiji.

"Let go of me," Eiji protested, half-heartedly.

"Shut the hell up, asshole," Iori replied.

As he and Mai made it to the door, he saw Kyo helping the unconscious Ash to the door. No, that couldn't be right: Kyo would've definitely left Ash Crimson behind.

He was right: the fire was playing with his eyes, and he saw Sie Kensou dragging Ash out. He would have to have a little talk with Kensou later on. "Hey Kensou! What the hell are you doing saving one of my arch nemesi?" "Psycho Soldiers do heroic things, Yagami." "You're such an idiot, Kensou."

Iori's knees gave out, and the ceiling gave inwards suddenly. Mai shrieked, but nothing happened.

Iori looked up. Athena was standing over them, a red glowing shield above her hands, holding the wreckage above them.

Mai grabbed them all and forced them out of through the door and into the rain. Coughing, she fell to her knees and turned around to stare at the hotel, engulfed by the fire.

In the distance she could hear sirens.

"No!" Eiji cried. "Nooooo! That was not how it was supposed to happen! It was supposed to be because of ME! He wasn't supposed to SAVE me!"

"Iori!" Athena cried, shaking Iori's form. "Iori, wake up! Oh God, Mai, he isn't dead, is he?"

"No," Mai said, looking at him. "Just unconscious, I guess."

The others gathered around them, watching the place burn down.

"A damn shame," May Lee said.

"Now what do we say to Terry?" Mary said.

"Say what to me?" a voice said.

They all turned.

Terry Bogard had changed his outfit: wearing now his brown jacket and jeans. He carried an umbrella over his head and it was beneath this that he watched the hotel burn. "What HAPPENED?" he asked.

"Electrical fire," Mai said. "Oh God, Terry, you're not going to beat him up again, are you? He just lost his hotel."

"Beat him up?" Terry said. "Why would I do that?"

"Oh, he's the nicest guy, Terry!" Mary cried, falling into his arms. "He had this party for you and invited us all and everything!"

"Seriously, Terry," King said, approaching them and holding a cloth to her mouth to stem the bleeding. "Don't pick on him. I don't think he's got the strength to fight you."

"Again: Why would I fight him?"

"Didn't that mob boss hire you to rough him up again?" Mai asked.

Terry laughed. "No," he said. "Company policy: we can't beat up anyone twice in one day. Can't happen."

Iori woke up and got to his feet. "Oh," he said. "Well, I'm glad for that then. Um, 'surprise!'"

Terry laughed and said, "I brought you a bottle of wine to say I'm sorry for beating you up, but I guess you won't have anywhere to drink it. You can stay at my place for a while if you like."

"Or mine," Mai said.

"Or ours," King said. "Until you get back on your feet."

"Wow," Iori said. "Well, I rather feel like a jerk."

"Why?" Terry asked.

"Never mind. Has someone called the fire department yet?"

Athena grabbed onto his arm and spoke seriously, "Iori, you can stay at my place. I'm being perfectly serious and intelligent here, everything you could expect in someone you'd want to start a relationship with – we can have sex tonight, I'll make you breakfast in the morning, we can do the things you want to do, the things I want to do-"

"Athena," Iori said. "No. But I'd like to be friends. Honest."

"I'd _hate_ to be friends, Yagami," Athena said.

"Too bad," Iori replied. "We are, anyways. However, if _K'_ is looking for company tonight-"

"No chance, Yagami," K' replied.

"Yagami!" Kyo said. "You're _gay_? What a _fag_!"

"Lame, Kusanagi," Mai said.

"Yeah, dude," Benimaru said. "That _was_ kinda immature."

Kyo blinked, then said, "Screw you guys, then. I'm going _home_."

"Speaking of which," Angel said, looking at Mary longingly. "Maybe you could consider-"

"No, Angel."

"Even if-"

"No, Angel."

"Well," Andy said, looking at Mai and smiling. "At least _someone_ will end up with _someone_ tonight."

"Not until we work some things out, Andy," Mai replied.

"Aw, man."

Iori sighed and looked up at his hotel. "Well, it's been one hell of a night," he said. "But I guess this won't be so bad. The insurance will pay me through the nose."

"Argh!" Eiji cried, in anguish.

"Plus, I've got friends to help me out," Iori said. "Right, guys?"

"Right!"

And friends are what matter, Iori thought. Until the next tournament, of course.

Fin.

So what did everyone think? Stay tuned for the Afterword!


End file.
